Blessed Imbolc
Imbolic is celebrated on February 1st to celebrate spring. Granted, this is Utah, and winter officially starts around this time, but it's okay.
It's the perfect day to burn some sage and lavender and cleanse your home. You can do a little bit of spring cleaning in general. I personally like to chant away winter. Snow is pretty, but I don't like it sticking to the roads, personally.
Adventures!
Celebrating 9 Years:
Sheldon was extremely sweet and took me out to Olive Garden for our 9-year anniversary! The waiter was really kind and gave us a discount along with a free dessert 😋
We also ended up going to Desert Star Playhouse the second night to see "Star Wars May the Farce Be With You."
It was a cute little parody, but the spacing was crowded, along with not much table room for food. It's also something we wouldn't go to again, considering the humor is more appropriate for families of the dominant religion in this state. It was funny, but the standard dry humor you hear all the time about Provo, Utah drivers, road construction, etc.
Sheldon did officially propose as well, so I've been proudly showing off my ring! For everyone who keeps asking how and what happened. It was just a normal at-home cute proposal. It was special and didn't need to be extravagant. With us being together for so long, it just wasn't necessary.
Family & Friends:
I've been feeling really grateful for the support that I've received these last two months with family and friends helping take me to my doctor's appointments.
Ever since my birthday, I've been feeling really exhausted. For the longest time, I've had a small group of friends with whom I hung out once every three or six months. Then COVID hit, and I started streaming on Twitch, leading me to enjoy my little introvert shell.
It was both good and bad for me. Making friends and being able to be in the comfort of my own home is the best feeling for me. But it was also awful for my depression because I couldn't just go out and hang out with them outside of my computer. I need a balance of both.
When I started at my job last year, it was during the period when Sheldon and I took our break, and so I was in a very "new job, new chapter in life" situation. Which led me to make a lot of friends through work whom I still adore. However, my social battery has drained to the point where I'm okay with seeing everyone the 40 hours of the week that I work, and that's it 😅
Working full time and having one to three doctors' appointments every week has added to that drain.
New Additions:
Earlier in February, I was able to receive an Emotional Support Letter, which led me to do some major online window shopping for the past few weeks. The dogs that grab at my heart are generally Pugs, Frenchie's, pitbulls, Boxers, Bull dogs, etc.. Due to us living in an apartment, our goal was to find a dog under 50 lbs. Unfortunately, that means all of the sweet-faced stereotyped Pitbulls were out of the question.
Any pug or Frenchie that came into a shelter either got adopted super quickly or had some sort of medical issue that I have no experience in being able to care for. I kept persisting on browsing and getting input from Sheldon as to what kind of dog would be a good fit for our family. We also wanted to find a dog under 2 years of age because then it would be easier to train it.
Sheldon had suggested one particular pup named Juno who had the cutest little underbite followed by a picture of the biggest smile! From then on, any time I looked at other dogs, I always went back to checking if Juno was still at the shelter as well.
The day finally came that we took the big leap! I woke up in the morning and went to work with Sheldon so he could do a half-day. We had a cake-tasting session that afternoon at Doki Doki Dessert Café and were ready to go doggo shopping afterward. As boring as it was waiting around for Sheldon to work, it was kind of nice at the same time. I walked down the street to a little place called Julia's Restaurant, where I had the most delicious Chiles Rellenos!
The reason it felt so independent for me was because I remember being in my young 20s and thinking about how I could never be as confident as those people who go into a coffee shop or a restaurant and sit alone at a table. Now, I'm in my young 30s, and it doesn't feel awkward or uncomfortable at all. I think the difference is having self-love and confidence. The less you care about what other people think, the easier it is. Having anxiety makes it feel like the world is watching your every move, but in reality, most people only care about themselves and aren't paying as much mind to others. Those who are insecure are the ones paying attention to everyone else ,and they shouldn't matter or make an impact on how you live your life.
I digress, though, let's fast forward! Cake testing was a success, and I'm super excited to get more of the wedding planning out of the way! It's going to be a crepe cake because Sheldon dislikes sweets. The bottom layer is going to be Strawberry cheesecake flavored with halved strawberries around it. The middle layer is going to be Cookies and Cream Flavored with halved Oreos around it, while the top layer is going to be Tiramisu with little Biscoff cookies crumbles on it! I ordered us a custom wedding cake topper on Etsy that should arrive by June as well!
When Sheldon said to pick a shelter for us to go to first, I bit the bullet and said, "Let's go meet Juno!" We went right over to Second Chances for Homeless Pets, and the shelter staff seemed a little surprised that we asked to see him. Taking us back into the room with all of the dogs in cages made my heart ache. Quite a few were barking for attention, and a few were quiet and shaking. Walking up to Juno's cage, he didn't bark at us at all. He just looked at us curiously. I knelt down and let him sniff my hand, and the second he licked it, my heart was grasped!
They let us take him out and walk him around in a little visitor area, and he was very confused because a leash normally meant going for a walk with him. He was just so curious and kept moving around. Sheldon accidentally scared him when he was trying to play with him and blew on his face. My thoughts and feelings were flooded with thoughts of "Is this dog going to like me?" Mostly because he seemed so calm and curious rather than cuddly and attentive. Sheldon assured me that it was normal because there was so much going on. The shelter said they could hold Juno for a couple of hours while we got him cleared with our apartments, but if it was for longer than a day, then they would have to put a $20 hold per day on him.
We called the apartments right away and explained the situation to them. After arriving and giving them all of the documentation they needed about Juno, they had us sign the forms and go on our way! We came back, and Juno was more excited to see us again this time, which was very reassuring. They told us that Juno had been at the shelter the longest out of their current selection of dogs. A lot of puppies kept coming in, causing him to be passed up. He was rescued as a stray at 6 months old, and he is now 11 months old. He picked up the terms "sit" and "no" very quickly and is fully vaccinated, microchipped, and neutered. He doesn't bark much but will join in the chorus of other dogs. He's very friendly with other people and children as well, but we are learning that he needs to sniff their hands first, and if they pet him, then with an open flat palm because he is very timid.
We took him straight to Petco and got him a kennel, a bed, and several treats and toys! Whatever he sniffed, he got. We also noticed that when we walked him, he would still look for food outside. Slowly, we are teaching him that he doesn't need to do that anymore. We also got a slow feeder so he wouldn't scarf his food down so fast. When we got home, he was scared to go up the stairs. His collar slipped off and gave me a panic attack. Sheldon tried to chase him, and he thought he was playing. I thought fast and pulled out the treats so he could come to me. Sheldon had to play the bad guy and carry him up the stairs, which he very much disliked. It probably gave him some trauma from when he was captured. Sheldon also had to pick him up again to take a bath, which he also disliked. We think that's why he bonded to me so fast. I get up, and he follows me. I go to bed, and he checks in on me.
We got settled inside, and he did a lot better. He didn't get comfortable with the stairs until the end of the next night. I had to coax him little by little with a treat every few steps. Now, he has no issue finding where home is and going up! We got a dog camera set up to check on him when we are both at work, and he is just such a good boy! He doesn't bark; he plays with his toys and naps on the couch or in his kennel if he chooses to go in there. It did take him a few days to realize that his dog bed was a bed and not a chew toy.
I hopped on the bandwagon of making sure he had very reassuring pet insurance. We go for long walks either at the park nearby or walk two miles on the Jordan Trails. He's really encouraging me with my exercise and weight loss goals. I've also been going out of my comfort zone to drive him to the trails and the park. I'm hoping he can encourage me to do a drive-through to get him a Pup-A-Chino one day... I wish driving wasn't as hard as it was for me, but it's easier that I've accepted it is a challenge and that it's okay.
Finally, the reveal! This is Juno! An Australian Cattle Mix who we have a DNA test on the way to find out anything else about.
This will technically be my first dog, and Sheldon is teaching me how to train him. Growing up, I had a Yellow Lab/Beagle mix named Cuddles, but she was my oldest sister's dog and was already trained and so on. I do remember the day she died, and I won't lie, the first couple of days of having Juno was a little triggering when I saw him lying on the floor like she was lying. But I got past that very quickly, thank goodness. At age ten, I begged for a dog, but I didn't get to pick it out. My ex-stepdad got to pick a purebred Dachshund, and in the divorce, he paid my mom her half of it so he could keep him.
He wasn't a bad dog by any means. He was just a puppy, and I was 10 and had no idea how to train him. he chewed up a lot of things. I loved him but was too young to know how to redirect him or house break him, etc.. I felt bad at the idea of shoving his nose in his poop if he went inside, my step dad said that is how he would learn but it sounded cruel. I also regret getting him an auto feeder because he became a little chunky.
Language Learning:
I am on day 147 with Duolingo Spanish! I couldn't hold a conversation with you if you started speaking to me in Spanish. I can, however, recognize small words and phrases to have an idea of what is being said. That's some progress, right? I do need to buckle down and study it more, though. I've moved into phrases that talk about days of the week, and for some reason, I can't remember half of what I'm learning. I've probably just had too much on my mental plate.
Gaming:
I'm still grinding Hello Kitty Island Adventure and loving every second of it! Sheldon and I started a game called Enshroued, which has been plenty of fun as well. It kind of feels like an easier version of Elden Ring. We also invested in a VR headset, which has given me a dopamine high. I don't have as much experience playing VR games, so it's pretty exciting and refreshing! I've been playing a game called Asgards Wrath 2, where I'm a demigod who was tricked by Loki, and now I have to find out where he went.
Reading:
I've been waiting for the fifth book of the Percy Jackson series to be landed to me on Libby, so in the meantime, I've started book 1 of Game of Thrones, and it's almost word for word to the show. I haven't finished season 1 of the show either. It's one of those slow burns Sheldon and I are watching together when we decide we feel like watching something together. I have heard that the show is really accurate to the books until about season 4.
My friend also took me to a really cool bookstore called Marissa's Books that is right by the Greenhouse Effect Coffee & Crepes shop. They're dog-friendly and support local authors! It was really neat to check out!
School:
I originally had planned to apply to Weber State University for their online MLS degree program. My only setback is that they require me to find and have my own access to a full-service lab. I then reached out to the University of Utah to look into their program. With my wedding planning and possible surgeries this year, it has been decided that it's better if I apply and focus on school next year.
I still want to get a bachelor's in Mass Media Communications as well as a minor in New Media. I still have a passion for working in the radio in some form. However, doing YouTube, Twitch, and or a Podcast can give me that as well if I tried harder at it. I want it to stay a passion and not a chore, though.
An MLS degree sounds more realistic in terms of me working in a lab and not being in the face of customer service anymore. That and working in a lab or any sort of hospital degree is where the money seems to be. If I'm going to work until I retire, I might as well live a comfortable income. I've created a lifestyle for myself where I'm not living paycheck to paycheck anymore. I can afford to live comfortably and take occasional vacations. I don't want to go back into survival mode.
My only other dream job would be to work in a plant nursery of some kind, but those jobs only pay around minimum wage and would not be realistic in terms of a full-time career. It makes me a little sad, but maybe if I retire when I'm older and want a part-time job to enjoy, that's when I'll look further into perusing fun hobbies and interests such as those.
Mental Health Status:
As of right now, my psychologist has said I've made leaps and bounds when it comes to my depression. I know it comes and goes in waves, but considering that it was just in November that I had a self-harm relapse, I am pretty proud that I'm having a more positive outlook on life at the moment.
It's been easier to take things one day at a time. It feels selfish to only think of and focus on myself, but it's the only way I can handle it at the moment. Sometimes, life is easier;r you just focus on one person at a time. Right now, I've got my life at home with Sheldon and Juno to look forward to, and all the other worries feel manageable.
I also felt this way with Twitch. I realize I only occasionally like to have group hangouts. One-on-one talks or hangouts feel more personal, but even then, it's a very now-and-then thing for me. It's helped me realize why I always struggled to be on Discord servers and why streaming too much felt more draining than anything.
Friends ='s dopamine high, but it also means having a dopamine crash that feels like it lasts for months.
I feel like lately, having friends and others around is too overwhelming. I can't fairly judge anyone because everyone deserves a fair chance. But I have a hard time the more friends I have. I'm glad people like me and want to talk to me and hang out, but it feels like too much. I want just an occasional once a month or once every three months one time hang instead.
Before Twitch, I used to have high anxiety about replying to anyone's messages. I would struggle and let them pile up, and then feel so bad for not replying, and then months would pass, and I'd feel even worse. I had to force myself with Twitch. Then, I gained confidence, and it stopped bugging me as much because I liked being social.
And now I've 180 reversed back to feeling like it's a chore even though it's me and not anyone who has been messaging me.
Sometimes, I have the battery to be social for a long period of time, and other times, it's very short. I've always described myself as an Omnivert for a reason. I'm on session 2 of a 3-session quiz to see if I am on the autism spectrum. It's a 50-question test, and each answer needs a thorough reason that makes sense.
Physical Health Status:
Weight Loss:
When working out at home, I've been following the Bodi by Beach Body program called 21 Day Fix. It's been a nice balance of giving me a good sweat while also not being overly painful for me. I'm not sure what switched for me, but it's become easier and easier to slowly motivate myself. If I'm having a flare-up for the day, then I just do light stretching and take it easier. The biggest stretch has been being able to meet my daily steps (at least 10,000). Juno is helping with that, even if it's just to take him to the bathroom, we take a little fifteen-minute walk around the complex.
I was able to use my work's Perk Spot program to get a discount on an app called Simple Nutrition. That's also made milestones for me. If I eat it, I log it, and it tells me how nutritious it is or isn't for me. The more sugars you have, the more likely you're going to feel hungry and sleepy. Protein seems to be a huge answer for a lot of things as well, so I'm working on it. If I can get a healthy set of two meals a day vs one, it makes intermittent fasting easier to do. I'm doing the 16:8, and when done right, it feels like I have so much energy, and I'm not starving myself. I don't want to jinx it, but I'm officially at 190 lbs. That's at least 10 fewer pounds than at the start of the year!
Neurology:
My Neurologist is very nice, but it is really hard to get ahold of her to figure things out with. My exam went well, and I really liked going over everything with her. We switched up my Sumatriptan medication to rizatriptan, which sounds like some Gen-Z slang medication. I haven't tried it quite yet because most of my migraines have just been tension headaches. She did mention in her notes that some weight loss would help me. I am classified as level one obesity.
She scheduled me for an MRI without Contrast and an MRA with and Without Contrast. I'm still trying to get that set up, though. My health insurance only covers without contrast, and after three weeks of trying to get ahold of her office, they said they changed the forms to without contrast, but my insurance said they did not. So I'm having a little bit of a struggle here. I can either fork out more money to not go through my insurance and get it over with or hope that everything will work out so my insurance can cover it.
She also wanted to make sure that my migraines weren't from any eye issues, so I went to see an Optometrist. The nurse who called me back and helped me was very kind and used my preferred name. However, the second assistant and doctor who saw me both were dead-naming me. I corrected them when they were looking at the chart, and it clearly says my preferred name on it. I ended up writing a complaint because a doctor's personal beliefs should never come before the respect and comfort of a patient. The person in charge of that facility did apologize and say he was going to talk to his staff.
The eye pressure test went well, and my vision is 20/20 with my glasses, so that's good. I do not like having my eyes numbed or dilated, though. I'm not sure if I could ever handle getting Lasik eye surgery like I one day hope to have. Maybe I'm just talking myself out of a race I haven't even run yet, though.
ENT Update:
I am officially set up for nasal surgery in April! My turbines are still swollen, but apparently, I also have a slightly deviated septum. At my last appointment, she said I didn't, but now she says I do. Either way, I'm just looking forward to breathing better.
Arms/Neck/Back Update:
After being evaluated for my lower back pain, which I've had since I was about 21, it has been found that I have an early case of arthritis. The tissue between my vertebrae is weakening, and I need to figure out how to strengthen it. She said it is very likely that it's genetic for me.
The irony is that I used to see a chiropractor monthly when I first had this pain. He told me from his x-rays that my vertebrae were twisted, so it must have been my accident when I was 12. But I guess it makes sense that it's not because it would have been noticed after the car accident when I was 1,2, and high school sports would have been harder on me.
I was working at Fat Cats at that time and bent down to get some bowling shoes and could not make it back up. I went to IHC a few years ago because my heat pad caused my blood vessels to bruise my entire back since I didn't realize it was that hot for so long. That's how bad my back pain gets. I saw a physical therapist then who said to do yoga and build my core. But she was over $345 for a 45-minute session. I couldn't afford to go back.
This current doctor diagnosing me said that Yoga is good for stretching but I should be more focused on Pilates for strengthening. She also recommended losing weight and said that with all of my chronic pain, the best route would be doing water aerobics.
Foot/Ankle Update:
This one is a little tricky. When Sheldon and I went to the doctor the first time, he said to take Ibuprofen. It wasn't until my follow-up check-in on the app (4 days ahead) that I was notified he made me a prescription in January. IHC said they had an issue with my pharmacy on the app, but it wouldn't let me fix it since it's been one month.
I had also sent him two messages with questions that he never responded to. My final straw was that before my first visit and this visit, IHC kept saying I had Select Health and not BCBC insurance, even though I changed it each time!
Given these circumstances, I decided to no longer continue my care there. The same doctor who is taking care of my arms/neck/back offered to take over on this as well. That appointment, unfortunately, isn't until March.
My ankles feel a little weak from the boot and brace. They are a lot better than they were, though. The only pain I still really have is the heel pain/ plantar fasciitis. I'm doing basic strengthening for them and reducing the use of the brace and boot so I don't become muscle-dependent on them.
The front of both ankles have been hurting more now, along with my shins, front of knees, and back of knees. It could be from taking more walks than I'm used to, but she said she would look into those pains as well when she evaluates me.
Gynecology (SFW):
I had a colposcopy exam, which resulted in finding that I have some minimal cancer cells. She told me that right now, they're manageable, but we are going to keep a close eye on it and get tested every 6 months. I also had a transabdominal & transvaginal ultrasound done. She will talk to me about my results in March as well. I'm at least getting answers, but the pain is still uncomfortable. I just am happy I'm being believed about my pain and I hope they continue to believe me and not brush it off due to hormones or what ever bull shit.
Health Wrap Up:
As far as the Urology and gastroenterologist appointments go. They are not being put in place at the moment. With all of these tests being done, it seems that most of my pain is Gynecology related. I did get blood work done to test my Liver/Pancreas/Gallbladder, and kidneys, and they all came back fine.
Final Thoughts:
Life goes by so fast that we tend to forget to live in the moment and appreciate what we have right now. It's really easy to get caught up in focusing on the future or getting stuck in the past. Every baby step is a win. Two steps forward and one step backward is still a step forward.
Thank you for choosing to read this month's blog post. Stay tuned for more updates and adventures to come!
